Connecting the Generations

Connecting the Generations
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Monday, September 24, 2012

Is Your Phone Smarter Than You?

Like so many people I used to chastise, I too have fallen from grace.  I admit that I have allowed my cell phone to completely possess me.
     This morning, after I hit the button to close my garage door remote button, I pressed another button at the top of my phone.  Dark screen.  No response.
     I gasped.
     I had failed the evening prior, to follow my daily regimen of charging my cell phone, setting its phone alarm and leaving it within reach on my night stand.  As a result, my entire morning was a half hour behind.
     There were no persistent, high pitched beeps from my phone.  Instead my eyes were forced open by natural daylight streaming through my bedroom window and my ears detected my neighbor's dog's bark alarm at 6:30am.  That half hour cost me.  I missed my yoga stretches and instead of a leisurely morning, lunches were haphazardly packed, breakfasts were flashed on the run.  Because both buses were missed, the kids needed rides to school.  Could I still get to my 9:00 a.m. breakfast meeting on time?
     At the stop sign on Rope Ferry Road, you could hear the clinking of my son's spoon to his ceramic bowl of steaming strawberry oatmeal -- an unusual sound paired with the pop music in the front seat of my car.
     No smart phone meant no way to quickly check my contact info for the location of the meeting.  There was no time to go back into the house and rifle through computer files.  I took for granted I could look at the last minute in the morning, so I only had a vague idea where I was going.  I had been there a handful of times before.  I had a strong visual on the street, the mailbox and the walkway to the front door.  I remember making a left at a restaurant on Route 1, passing two stop signs and then parking at the third stop sign.  But I could not recall the actual street name or building number.  I had no way to call if I got lost or was running late due to traffic.
     I looked at the car clock after dropping off my second child.  I could make it if all went smoothly, but there certainly was not enough time to go back home to look for a car phone charger cord.
     "What did I do before the cell phone was invented?" I thought to myself.
     I would have asked several days ahead, not only for the address and phone number of the destination, but also for the directions.  Otherwise, I would have flipped open a street map and highlighted the route.  If I got lost or was running late, I would have been able to stop at a street phone booth to call.
     "What did I do before the smart phone?" I again asked myself.
     I would have done a map search on the home computer and printed the directions to bring along.
     But the smart phone had made my brain lazy.  I relied on it any random second of the day.  I made dog grooming appointments while walking the dog.  I confirmed hair and doctor appointments while waiting on the grocery line or at the gas station.  I never bothered doing any research the day before having to drive two hours to my daughter's gymnastics meets.
     My smart phone knew everything.
     It told me when to wake up, who to call, when to do a task, where to go and answered virtually any question that came up during debates with friends.
     Ironically, despite the fact that I programmed my phone to nag me to prepare to leave 15 minutes early to my appointments, I seemed to always arrive 15 minutes late.  I kept fooling myself.  I no longer had a natural sense of time.  I allowed my phone to become smarter than me.
     Fortunately, this morning I had the good sense to have faith in myself.  I had no choice but to rely on my visualization skills.  I used to call it my photographic memory in high school.  I could see where I had to go in my head.
     I was encouraged by the fact that I got both kids to school on time, so I proceeded to the highway and just drove, trusting that the universe would help me get to my destination within the remaining time.  I made all the turns and stops that my body remembered.  And when I finally walked through the front door, I smiled as I saw the wall clock.
     I was on time.  On the dot, in fact.  I had outsmarted my phone.

The After-School Shuffle

Are you exhausted, juggling your children's after school activities, you need a carpool and are going mad?  There are options.  
     Fear not, for you are not alone.  There are many struggling parents churning the gas pedal and wearing out their brakes due to  frequent stop and go drop-offs.  It is even more taxing when one child has an activity and the other does not, but you have to drive a distance to get there.       Some parents hide their frustration.  They paste an enthusiastic smile on their face and blow their kids kisses from the driver's seat.  Everything is fine.  They don't mind being the family chauffeur.  The other sibling is an angel, quietly awaiting the next stop, which may include being dragged on errands to several stores.  These parents wave their hands in slow motion as they pull away from the curb.  
     "See you later!  Have fun!" they sing out the window.  
     Some parents are more transparent, but at least they are honest about the situation.  They jerk the car into an awkward halt, expressing disgust with each gear shift.  No words are exchanged.  There is no eye contact.  The door slams shut.  The car screeches away in a blur.  
     And then there are many who are just plain old stuck.  With gas prices as high as they are, it does not make sense to drive 20 miles to go home only to come back a couple of hours later.  So they park the car and force the sibling to accompany them in the waiting area for the duration of the older sibling's activity.    
     Some children are equipped with a backpack full of distractions, but they complain the entire time.  
     "Why can't we come back later?" the kid says.  "I want to go home.  This stinks."
     "Do your homework," the parent replies.  "Where's your book?"
     "Hhmmph," the kid blurts, slumping in the chair.
     In some cases, the parent comes equipped with a good book, paperwork or a laptop and gets busy while the child plays games on a phone for two hours.  
     After observing all of these situations and even experiencing all three at some point myself, it dawned on me that there were options I had not yet considered.  

Option 1: The Homework Cafe    
Find a nice cafe in the area where you and the sibling can look forward to a relaxing and fun atmosphere in which to work/study and maybe enjoy some snacks later as a reward.  Come prepared with productive and enjoyable work for you and the sibling.   The child should do homework first, then read or play educational puzzles and games afterwards.  If the crowd or music at the cafe is too loud or distracting, bring along a laptop, iPod, tablet or e-reader and earphones to tune into conducive instrumental music on Pandora Radio using the cafe's free Wi-Fi internet access.  If this is not an option, try finding the local library, get some work done, read a good book (yes, the kind with a spine and actual pages to flip) and then go out for a coffee/smoothie afterward.    

Option 2: Shopping Marathon    
Plan all your grocery and errand shopping around your commuting calendar.  Try to involve the sibling in the shopping strategy.  Maybe he or she will help cook that evening and you can pick up ingredients for the menu together.  Maybe he or she needs extra supplies for a project or needs a new pair of jeans.  This is a good time to do personal shopping with him or her.  Or maybe there are events coming up in the near future and you need to buy greeting cards, gifts or special outfits to wear to the party.  This might be the opportune time to just window shop together.  

Option 3: Find or Start a Carpool    
Chances are, there are other parents at your gym, studio or sports team looking to pair up with other families juggling their kids schedule, but how do you find them?  Just start talking to people.  Find out where they commute from and ask how they manage.  Keep your eyes and ears wide open for the opportunity.  A new parent joined my daughter's gym and desperately needed to find a carpool for her 11-year-old because the 40 mile commute was not going to work three times a week without one.  So she did the most efficient thing; she asked the coach to e-mail all the team parents inquiring whether other parents might be interested.  We quickly became acquainted with another family and have since worked out a three-way carpool that is flexible and offers each of us a one-way drop-off or pick-up option.  When one can't make it, usually there is a back-up.  We stay in touch through phone texts before and during the carpool.  It isn't perfect, but more often than not, the sibling can comfortably do their work and then unwind at home at least half of the time.  

Have any other after school commuting ideas?  Please share them with us.