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| A butterfly visiting my petunias one Mother's Day. |
I'm a Mom who has a Mom and
Mom-in-law. Whenever Mother's Day approaches, I experience stress,
not relaxation. Why? Because every year I worry about whether both
Moms will be disappointed once again, because they will not receive
the visit they wish they were having from my family. No matter what
my family has planned for me on Mother's Day, I find myself feeling
guilty that I didn't plan something that included our Moms.
"They're grandmothers.
You're the mother now," my husband says sympathetically.
"But they don't stop being
mothers to us," I hear myself say.
Both Moms appreciate being
recognized on or around Mother's Day, which has been impossible for
us to do in person for many years now, since we moved 2.5 hours away.
It was easier before we had children, when we lived less than a half
hour away from both of them. We popped in for brunch with one and
did an early dinner with the other one later in the day. Both Moms
were happy to get a visit from daughter/son-in-law and
daughter-in-law/son. But ever since I became a Mom, I realized that
I want to be available for my kids to celebrate within our own little
family unit. I secretly hope I can be completely useless to them
during the entire day, free of chores and anxiety of any kind.
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| An azalea flower in my garden. |
One year, I just wanted the entire
day to plant petunias, impatiens and marigolds in containers on my
deck. I remember enjoying a visit from a slinky red fox who wandered
into my backyard that afternoon. Another year, we enjoyed a walk and
picnic as a family at the Connecticut College Arboretum. We picked
up sandwiches and drinks from Subway and brought along our cameras.
I still admire the photographs we took of the various trees,
flowering bushes and water lilies on the pond that day. My favorite
photos are the off-center pictures the children took of me with the
blue sky in the background, shot from their vantage point below.
Another time we decided to see the new flick Iron Man followed by a
sushi dinner, my favorite. It didn't matter what we did. All I
cared about was that I was with my family and that I didn't have to
cook, clean, drive or nag anyone to do anything.
So where does that leave Moms of
adult children? Someday that will be me, when my children have
become responsible for themselves and their husbands and their own
children. Hey, wait a minute. That's the key. They will be
responsible for themselves, their husbands and their own children!
That means as a grandparent someday I will not have the same need to
receive a physical break from incessant family rearing, shuttling and
household chores. I would still want the acknowledgement though. I
would want to know that they care about me and recognize all of my
efforts through the years, to help them become the best that they
could be. I would want to know that they still needed me in their
life in some way, whether it be for advice or just someone willing to
listen.
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| My lilac bush in full bloom. |
So make your Mom happy on Mother's
Day. Show her that you thought of her and appreciate having her in
your life even if you live far away. You don't need to pack the
kids' suitcases and drive 200 miles just to have brunch with her for
the day. Maybe it is a beautiful arrangement of flowers because she
never buys fresh flowers. Maybe it's a video chat so she can see how
big the children have grown. Maybe it's a comfortable new fleece
throw emblazoned with her favorite family photo. Maybe it's a
membership to fruit of the month club because she's trying to cut
back on chocolate and sweets. Maybe it's a book of Cross Sound ferry
tickets so she'll be encouraged to visit you and her grandchildren
often. Maybe it's a home-made card signed by every member of the
family, even the dog.
If you live close enough to set
aside a part of the day for a personal visit, you will surely surpass
all of her expectations. Take her to brunch, lunch or dinner. Take
her to the movies, to a show or to a ballgame. Take her to the
salon, to the park or to the museum. Have her over for a slice of
pie and a cup of tea and pick her brain about her past. She would
love to tell you stories. If you are inclined to include her in your
family's plans, by all means invite her to tag along!
In my town, the local Patch.com site is accepting favorite photo submissions of "Mom and Me." The simplest and most legendary
gesture we can make to our Moms is to tell
the world why we think she is the best Mom! To all my readers who are Moms...may you have a truly Happy Mother's Day!
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