Technology vs. Humans

I thought it was so clever of me to turn my cute little new vanity table into a quaint writing desk by my bedroom window.  My laptop fit conveniently inside the desk and the lower height of the surface allowed for perfect posture for my ailing wrists which suffered from carpal tunnel syndrome. I have a beautiful view of the trees in my backyard and the birds circling the sky overhead.  What a rude awakening early this past Saturday morning.  It sounded like an overheating engine or turbine that was crashing and burning.  I held the feverish MacBook Pro in my arms tentatively, thinking it was about to burst into a ball of fire.  Couldn't put it down on a flammable surface like my bedroom carpet.  Didn't want to place it near anything potentially flammable.  I had already unplugged it from the wall but the battery kept feeding its momentary demise.
"Put it in the garage," my husband said.  "It will cool down there."
"But we have the snow blower and leaf blower there, filled with fuel and cans of paint.  Bad idea, no?"
"Would you rather have it blow up somewhere in the house?" he fired back.
I ran down the stairs and set it on the garage concrete floor.  It was still screaming in terror.  I ran back into the house.  My heart pounded as I thought about the years of photos I stored in the laptop.  I ignored my own incessant nagging thoughts that reminded me I should back up the computer.  It had been over 400 days since I last backed up the laptop's memory.  And then in an instant, because of my silly vanity table writing idea, it might all just evaporate with the computer's processor.
The desk was near the baseboard heater.  I had stored the laptop inside the vanity under the mirror top that I flipped open to use when I brushed my hair and put my makeup on in the morning.  I never had an issue for the past 14 days.  But then again, I usually put the laptop in hibernation mode at night.  I must have forgotten to do that the night before.  I probably just flipped it shut with the processor running all night.  The laptop couldn't run its fan effectively while trapped inside the desk with no ventilation.  It was very careless of me.  Thank goodness we were home.  I shudder to think what might have happened if it kept racing its energy like that while no one was home.
So much for cultivating my little writing corner.  I was so excited that because of the desk and dedicated space I had achieved the impossible -- written at least 3 pages every day for the past two weeks.  But these are the realities of technology.  They may allow us to reach breakthroughs but at the end of the day, if the operator is flawed, the technology will fail.  Just this morning I heard about the self-operating Uber vehicles that crashed, not due to their own limitations but due to human operated vehicles in their path.
I hear that typing on a keyboard may soon be obsolete.  Think about it.  Everyone is texting with their thumbs in shorthand.  Many are using voice to text commands.  But I find that only my accomplished typing can truly keep up with my thoughts.  My handwriting is too slow now to catch every thought in time.  My wrist and finger muscles quickly ache after half a page of writing.  And yet, the longer I type, the more pain I cause my carpal tunnels so I have to wear those special wrist guards to sleep so my numbing hands stop waking me in the middle of the night.  I just can't win.
Fortunately, after an hour, I pressed the power button as I held my breath.  Please power back up, please function, I prayed.  The screen lit up gray and spun, my hope alive.  After what seemed like ages, that familiar intro audio struck its chord.  I exhaled.
I immediately hooked up my Seagate Time Machine and backed up over one year's worth of new memories.  I was redeemed.
Moral of the story: when inspired by creativity, some experiments fail, but you have to just make adjustments and forge ahead.  In my case, I continue to write in the same quaint spot.  Now I make sure I shut down my laptop at the end of each night.  It needs a deep sleep to go into REM just like me.  No more napping at the desk.  It could literally be deadly!

True Emergencies Don't Ding

I had to clean the sink thoroughly and then purge the refrigerator of spoilage to help clear my mind and get rid of negative feelings this morning.  I went on to procrastinate my day some more by cleansing and organizing the produce drawers.  I find that I am much more productive when my environment is in order.  And I also have more positive energy when I don't have visual reminders of my failure to keep up with my responsibilities like chucking food that has been stored for more than 5 days and placing unwanted leftovers in the garbage disposal.
While doing these kitchen chores, I listened to a chapter in a non-fiction book about strategies for changing long standing self-destructive habits.  While I am not trying to quit smoking or lose weight or stop drinking, my personal goal has been to be more focused so I can get my housework, work work (for my business) and passion work (my writing) done with more regularity and efficiency.
One thing I noticed about my productive pattern breakdown is that I recently stopped using my daily agenda.  Of course without a top 5 priorities list I wander from one activity to the next, whether it is the right thing on which to focus my energy or helping someone in need -- usually one of the kids or a friend who needs to talk -- I have been anchor-less without my agenda, easily falling victim to the next thing that pulls me.
I at least got in my 1 mile walk this morning because the dog needed me.  That helped me start my positive pattern for the day.  I quickly jotted my to do list in today's agenda and checked off the first two priorities on the list.  Getting these 750 words written will be my 3rd priority to check off the list.  It's a good feeling.
After this is done, I will tackle the next two items simultaneously as one can be in process while the other is in progress.  This leaves me with the 6th priority on my list hanging in the balance for the end of the day, which is very possible, if I can be efficient with priorities number 4 and 5.  Already I have a good feeling about also getting to number 6.
However, the only way it will be possible is for me to turn off my phone as soon as I finish this post.  You see, the biggest reason I even stopped using my agenda book in the first place has been the darn phone.  I trash every opportunity to be efficient by allowing each notification to interrupt my flow.  I realize my most productive days are when the phone has run out of battery power and it is nowhere in sight.  I can move forward instead of constantly being sidetracked.
Why are notifications so important when I am not expecting most of them?  Everyone checks their messages first thing in the morning, especially if they are working against a deadline on a project.  Yet I find that almost all of the messages I open could have waited an hour or two or three until I break for lunch.  There is no logic in our human need to reach for the phone when it dings.  The most important reason to do so is to respond to an urgent call.  A call, not a ding.  You know, the kind of alert where someone is physically waiting on the other end of the line to speak to you?  This is why a school nurse or family member under duress would truly need you to immediately pick up the phone.
I imagine sitting in an office cubicle while all of these type of interruptions physically stop by my doorway.  It is ludicrous how many times I allow myself to become distracted during the day.
I am going to try an experiment.  I will put my phone call ringtone volume on maximum and silence the notification and other phone volume options.  If someone really needs to reach me but I don't respond to their texts right away, I know he or she will call me.  This way, I can work without interruption and when I have a natural break, that's when I'll check to see if anyone needs an urgent reply.
All of this technology is very useful but it also has succeeded in making me feel a bit too self-important.  Everyone needs me now.  No they don't.  Time to get back to work in my productive bubble.

Daily Bike Strides

Time to dust off our bikes, pump the tires and get moving outdoors, snowflakes or not! As I examined my bike early this morning to assess its conditioning requirements, I was reminded of an inspiring biking encounter I had at a state park, a couple of years ago.

I walked with a friend and our dogs regularly during the warmer weather. We pushed ourselves to keep going even once the temperatures dropped dramatically, even braving ice patches and submerging our boots in deep snow-covered trails. 

All year long, regardless of the day of the week or season, we noticed this senior citizen who rode his old-fashioned bike faithfully. He always had his transistor radio on board a basket of some sort, which played some oldies. He hummed or sang along as he passed by. He rode the bike leisurely, almost meandering like he was happy to lose himself in the song and had no particular path or direction to follow.

One very chilly winter day, we saw him outside his locked car door and heard him say over the cell phone that he had accidentally locked his car keys inside and didn't know what he would do.

We decided to offer him a ride home to fetch his keys. I was the lucky driver who took the opportunity to ask him a few questions.

"So you must love bike riding a lot to be out here so often, even in freezing temperatures," I said.

"I loved skiing and did it very well for many years. And then one day, I had an accident and was bed-ridden for too long. I swore I would never not move again," he replied.

"I see you here all the time. How often do you ride your bike?"

"Every day I get up, eat breakfast and ride my bike here for 3 hours. Then I stop home to have lunch and come back here to ride for 3 hours more. Afterwards I make myself a nice dinner and then I scrapbook."

What got me was not the fact that he rode his bike for 6 hours a day. It was his structured life. He had lived alone for the past year since his wife had passed away.

"Why do you ride alone? Why don't you ask family or friends to join you?"

"You think I don't have family or friends? I got me lots of them. They live far away and they are always nagging me to move closer to them. But this town is my home. And this is what I love to do. I have the use of both of my legs and I can ride my bike as long as I like as often as I like. I am a very happy man."

"And the scrapbooking?"

"The Mrs took the time to take all of these beautiful photos of us with the kids. She loved to scrapbook. And now I have all the time in the world to finish what she started."

Classroom of Life

This morning I held a Ticonderoga tri-write pencil in my hand for the first time.  It was true to its claim.  It really was naturally easy to hold due to its triangular contouring.  When I first saw the packaging during back-to-school shopping three weeks ago, I thought it was just the latest gimmick.

"Why would you need a different shaped pencil?" I asked my 5th grade daughter.

"Because, Mom, your hands get tired from writing and they hurt after a while."

I thought about the fact that I never use pencils anymore as an adult.  The last time I used pencils was in a college fine arts class that I took as an elective.  I enjoyed learning what grade graphite pencils to use for shading and creating depth in sketch drawings.  Several hours passed while I happily focused on my artwork.  How liberating it was developing new skills.  These days I prefer to use gel pens which glide weightlessly across the page.  My hand tires easily when attempting to write more than one page which is why I now prefer to type as I write on the computer keyboard.  The only writing I physically do now is the daily task or shopping list.    

We rounded the aisle and then my daughter made another request.

"Mom, can we buy me a special binder?"

"Why do you need a binder?  It's not even on your school supplies list."

My guess was that her brother, who is in high school and had a much longer shopping list, was in the market for a new binder, so she wanted one too.

"Because, Mom, I want to file my papers in there.  You know, so I can be organized."

It was unnecessary but she had a good argument.  Her school papers always piled up on the kitchen desk and they became my problem.

"Let's make a deal then.  If I buy you the binder, you will hole punch your papers as they come in the house and file them in your binder."

"Okay."

She spent the next ten minutes looking for just the right binder.  A blue sparkly one with green borders caught her eye.  It was four dollars more than the average binder but I figured anything that would help inspire her to keep order was a good thing, so I obliged.

"Mom?  Can we buy those plastic page protectors that you used for your writing portfolio?  I want to start my own art portfolio."

Ever since that day, whenever she has had free time, she has sketched and colored drawings and inserted them into her special binder.

I found her desire to be comfortable when writing and her need to organize her work inspiring.  She took pride in her work and wanted to feel good about it.  I thought for a moment about what I might want to do differently so I can also look forward to my tasks with more energy.

Last night I zipped through the halls of our beautiful, new, state-of-the-art Waterford High School.  I stopped in at each of my son's classrooms to meet his teachers and hear about their expectations for the year.  I felt a great sense of pride knowing that our tax dollars were well spent.  Everything about the evening, from the confident and encouraging words of our new Principal Mr. Hauser, to the design and layout of the building, to the newness of the furniture, to the impressiveness of the technology and resources available to our kids, inspired me.  I felt the sense of promise that our kids must also be experiencing as they go from class to class.  Even the teachers reflected an appreciation for their new tools and a positive outlook on the year.

It made me think back to my school years, when life was a fresh piece of sketching paper, waiting for me to draft some lines and fill in sections.  I used an eraser every now and then when I found myself veering in the wrong direction, but I forged on.

We are here to help guide our children as they become who they will discover they want to be.  But they are also here to remind us that we can keep using pencils and erasers too, even if we don't have to.  I guess that's why we buy ourselves the latest electronic gadgets.  There is still much to learn and new skills to develop.

I've been working on my first book for three years now.  I'm not done yet.  Once I finish the manuscript there will be even more work to do that I have never done before; editing, publishing and then finding a market for it.  The unknowns are scary but exciting too.  Maybe we are all works of art in progress and it's time to just draw some more lines.

Practice Makes Progress

How are you doing with your new year's resolution? Reaching out to others with similar goals or with expertise for support is the key to success, regardless of the personal goal.  Forgiving oneself and getting back on track, each time one digresses, is an effective way to achieve long term success.

I have a personal disdain for the term "practice makes perfect."  I heard it all my life and I've had enough.  Reaching toward perfection with every task and goal has a profound effect on the will to keep trying.  It is sometimes counter productive to focus so much on the desired outcome rather than the daily work.  Constant pats on the back are more reassuring than fear of failure.

My goal is to write 750 words or three double-spaced pages per day. There are days when I barely write 250 words and others when I don't get to it at all.  Of course I feel defeated when this happens, but no one can take away the progress that I have made.  At least I am still on track if I get back online and keep writing.  A log has been helpful.  I am accountable to myself each day.  If I miss a day, I note what kept me from doing it that day.  I sometimes also add some other productive thing I might have done that day to help me feel good rather than punish myself.  At the end of the week or month, I analyze my pattern of on track versus off track behavior.  Was the failure acceptable given unexpected challenges or other work that needed to get done?  

My ambitious goals used to be writing at least 750 words toward the book I am working on, but I have found that my creative process doesn't work that way. There are days I need to explore possible themes and work out my ideas in journal format. I have days when I wake up and run to the computer with scenes clearly laid out in my head and I write enough to satisfy three days of writing goals.  I discovered this through the logging method.  For aspiring writers out there, I highly recommend logging on to an online journaling site www.750words.com.   It has really made a difference in my writing life.  By not editing myself and focusing just on regular mind dumps, I am able to remove the usual writer's roadblocks and just write.  At the end of these sessions, I often discover diamonds in the rough which can be elevated to scenes, chapters, articles and blogs.  It has also been beneficial as a general well-being tool, helping me to unclutter my mind and focus better on my daily goals.  

Having a support network has also kept me accountable.  I meet regularly with a group of other serious writers working on developing their writing projects.  We take turns presenting our pieces and critique each others' work.  We give each other deadlines.  I look forward to these check-in points and hearing about their progress inspires me to do the same. Hearing about their challenges prompts me to share advice with them.

The same goes for health goals.  I have a dog so I need to walk him on a daily basis.  This is also good for me.  To help inspire each other, especially during the cold weather, my friends and I try to meet at local parks and walk our dogs together.  Because we look forward to chatting and catching up on life, we end up walking two or three times longer than we normally do when walking our dogs alone.

Sometimes all we need is the company of other people trying to accomplish similar goals.  Another person's perspective, experience, expertise and good advice can help point us in the right direction.  If you or someone you know is struggling alone to get on track with their health and well-being goals, check out these three local opportunities:

• Join a Get Healthy Challenge: Susan Epstein, Certified Health Coach, recently launched a Lose Big-Win Big Contest locally, offering prizes as an incentive.  They shared best kept "secrets" for weight loss and optimal health, offering samples of delicious and healthy food and strategies for lowering or eliminating medications for diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol.  Contact Susan to see if this program is appropriate for you at 860-437-0233 or susan@gethealthywithsusan or read about weight loss and healthy habits through this website: epsteins.tsfl.com/explore

• Learn more about Nutrition: What you eat has a profound effect on your total well being. You do not need to be overweight to be concerned with your eating habits. A registered Dietitian can help you work towards making healthier food choices by analyzing what you are eating now and making changes that you can actually achieve. Many people need to understand how to read food labels, understand what a portion really is and pay attention to whether they are really hungry. Registered dietitians can guide you and give you the knowledge you need to make lifetime changes in your eating habits. Janine Sitko R.D. has a private practice in East Lyme CT. Contact information:  (860) 739-9488  j9sit@ct.metrocast.net

• Daytime Zumba for Moms with Young Children: Now Moms with young children and infants in tow can have a fun dance workout when they are home during weekday mornings as babysitting is offered during class. Nancy Coleman is offering Zumba on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 10:00-11:00 a.m. here in Waterford.  Classes are held at Temple Emanu-El which is located at 29 Dayton Road. Try the class for free or contact Nancy for more information at ngc31602@aol.com.

Forget your New Year's Resolutions, make your New Day's Resolution now. 

Finding the Perfect Holiday Gift

Now that our fall sweets and stuffing holidays are behind us, we are thrown into shopping madness for December's mother of all gift-giving holidays. Whether you brave the retail masses in person or expertly navigate the world wide mall online, beware not to get sucked into the stressful tradition of looking for that perfect gift.  

The worst part of the holiday gift-giving process for me has been wandering around aimlessly from store to store, passing display after display, wondering if the people on my list might like what I am looking at, and getting dizzier by the minute.  This year, I will try approaching the process more strategically and hopefully I might just hit a few targets and survive, unscathed.  Here is some holiday shopping advice I wish I was given years ago.

1) Thoughtful List - Create a master list that indicates all your gift recipients and what they enjoy.  List their favorite hobbies, preferences or idiosyncracies.  If someone on your list who loves to dine out enjoys sushi or eats vegetarian, a gift card to that type of restaurant makes your job that much easier.  Is your niece still obsessed with gymnastics?  Shop online stores for the latest gymnastics apparel or accessories.  Keep this list handy all year so you can add new tidbits about each person, especially after having a chance to catch up with them at the family Thanksgiving reunion.

2) Cash is King - No one likes to stuff cards with cash because it doesn't show effort but a lovely branded gift card to their favorite store in cute packaging solves the issue.  It is a practical gift for those who are traveling or who live far away.  If you still feel like you want to show even more effort on your part, pair it with a gift-wrapped box of one dozen home-made cookies, cookie pops or truffles.

3) Entertain Them - You won't have to worry if you got the wrong color, size or style if you instead focus on the kind of fun that the gift recipient enjoys.  Gift cards for the movies, XBox Live points and e-books are great for older kids.  When buying toys for younger kids, if you want to avoid the long lines, toys are best purchased online as there are plenty of free shipping offers on minimum purchases. Consolidate your online shopping if possible in order to maximize these offers.  For parents, you might opt to give a "date night" that includes dinner with babysitting.  

4) Support the Local Buzz - For that favorite teacher or friends and family who live in the area, go local.  Support your local restaurants, bakeries, delis and sandwich shops, salons or stores that have recently popped up around town.  Even gift certificates for classes or workshops offered through the town Parks and Recreation office would be great.  Maybe that friend or family member has always wanted to try yoga or learn how to paint or shoot photography like an expert.  You might also know of local reps for direct to consumer companies who sell home goods, jewelry and the like.  Check out Oswegatchie School's upcoming One Stop Shopping Night on Thursday, Dec. 6 from 5:00-8:00 pm.  You will feel good knowing you have helped your local economy.

5) Get Digitally Creative - Everyone appreciates personalized gifts. Today there are more options than ever before.  Use favorite family photos to create one-of-a-kind pillow, throw or tote bag keepsakes.  If you recently traveled or celebrated a milestone occasion with a family member, put together a hard-cover photo book online.  Sites like Shutterfly, Snapfish and any digital photo printing service at a local retailer have really simplified this process.  Take it one step further if you are talented at producing your own video montages; combine photos with video footage and set it to music.  Believe me, this is a gift like no other, especially for grandparents or family who live far away.

6) Make a Pact - Given the tough economic times, you may want to shorten your gift-giving list this year by making a pact with some friends and family members. Maybe you agree not to exchange gifts this year and instead pick a fun destination or activity to do together to celebrate.  Maybe only the children receive gifts and the adults only participate in a limited value Yankee swap, a fun gift-giving game with guaranteed laughs.  It's about showing that you care, not about the stuff, right?

And above all,

7) Don't Wait - Do not allow yourself to wait until the last minute to give any thought to the above options or you will risk falling into the pit of gift-shopping despair.  If all else fails, you can always stuff cash into a fancier card that sings or lights up.  And don't forget to come bearing sweets or a fancy distilled beverage of any kind.  Both are guaranteed to elicit good times!

Halloween is for Everyone (Even Our Dogs)

Mac as a feline.

What is your dog wearing for Halloween this year?
     I admit it.  I dressed up my dog in a makeshift Halloween costume last year.  But I did not spend a penny to do so.  I had leftover material from almost 10 years ago sitting in a dusty box.  It was a glorious piece of wild feline spotted fleece.  I happily cut it up and made a cape for him so he could match his "sister" who wanted to be a cheetah last year.  I couldn't resist.  Look how adorable they were in the photo, with matching pumpkin baskets to boot!

Everyone needs a sidekick on Halloween!

     We are now termed "pet parents" rather than "pet owners."  I have embraced this new title.  My dog is the reason I hit the pavement for at least one mile per day, sometimes two miles, in the spirit of his and my own fitness.  His smile and enthusiastic tail is the reason I perk up when I arrive home, despite how fatigued I might be.  And he is the reason I write every day.  My walk with him is the catalyst for my 750 word minimum online journal entry.  On a good day, our walk produces a good blog idea or the completion of my current chapter in progress.
     My point is that my dog is an important member of my family which is why we decided to include him in our Halloween family fun last year.  It didn't seem fair to leave him home.  The incessant doorbell and knocking stressed him out.  He loved walking anyway.  Why not see what he thought of all the people dressed up in costumes visiting each home?  He did not typically take walks in the dark, let alone see that many people outside at that hour.
     Mac is notorious for wanting to chase anything that speeds by him.  He can't help his Sheltie heritage.  He wants to herd kids, bikes, cars anything else that isn't moving in some kind of order.  But on Halloween evening, no one was in a rush.  Masked characters strolled together in herds.  This comforted him.
     Mac learned that if he sat while everyone patiently awaited for someone to come to the door, the homeowner might notice him and run back into the house to find a more appropriate treat for him.  Ah, yes.  There was something in it for him too.  He was also in costume, so after a couple of oohs and aahs, he happily accepted a lovely dog-bone shaped biscuit or two.

Halloween costumes from the 1970s.

Mac loves people and other dogs, especially those he recognizes from our neighborhood.  Last Halloween, we saw other dogs walking around with their families, but most were not in costume.
     Perhaps this year will be different.
     Amidst our nation's financial woes, industry trackers and market researchers say there will be a bright spot in our economy this coming Halloween.  Among many other colorful characters, we can expect Captain America, Iron Man, the Avengers, Obamas, Mitts, and perhaps some more super hero canines.

Halloween savings tip from my good friend Michelle: It's not too late if you would like to place your children's costumes from last year online on eBay or Craig's list in order to fund this year's costumes.  Or, consider trading costumes with your children's friends who attend a different school.

Acquainted with the Squash

Two varieties of spaghetti squash, acorn, buttercup and delicata.

I have been one acquainted with the squash. My long-standing familiarity has been with the summer variety, zucchini and yellow squash and more recently, those cute pattypan ones. My family just met yet another interesting type of winter squash. Hello, delicata.
    What draws me to winter squash are their unique shape, color and texture. They are round, pear-shaped, oval or long-necked. Some have stripes, indentations and ridges while others have a smooth surface and even color tone. The flesh ranges from gold to orange. Whether they feature an exterior shade or combination of green, yellow, orange, beige and tan, they have one thing in common. Unlike summer squash, which tend to have thinner, edible skin, winter squash have denser flesh and much thicker skin, making them a challenge to prepare.
     Winter squash are a pleasure to display as a Fall portrait. Stacked or leaning against a bale of hay or filling a harvest basket beautifully, they are hard to imagine as being more than decoration given their hard exterior and solid interior. Only the squash-experienced are aware of their complex richness, variety of flavors and nutritional benefits. Some are stringy; others are more starchy like a potato; and then there are creamy ones which are ideal mashed or pureed for soup.
     In the past, I prepared the occasional butternut squash soup or roasted acorn squash as a starter course, but ever since a member of my family experienced serious food sensitivities to grain, starch and sugar, we turned to winter squash as potato and sweet potato substitutes. We discovered a world of delicious recipes and even began concocting our own. Some experienced winter squash handlers are able to forcefully halve them prior to baking or roasting, as most recipes suggest. I learned that this is not an easy task. Even with a very sharp knife, I lack the confidence, burly strength, height and leverage to drive the edge into its center. Recipes assured me that the sturdy vegetable would eventually give, but I never seemed to have a firm grip of the sharpest knife I could fine. The squash often had my kitchen implement in a headlock and it would win!
     So I do the most logical thing. After scrubbing and rinsing the squash first, I roast it whole. I bake an average size squash into a baking pan in the oven at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes. I test its readiness by poking it with a skewer. If the skin has a golden glow, easily punctures and its juices ooze, it is ready to be sliced in a civil manner. Once cooked, I can easily scoop out the seeds and peel the skin, either slice them into chunks or scoop and mash the flesh, then season and serve or puree and combine with soup broth.
     What I love about squash is that they can be prepared either sweet or savory. Many recipes for butternut, acorn and buttercup encourage a simple seasoning of butter or margarine with brown sugar or maple syrup. Heartier preparations for spaghetti squash may consist of olive oil, garlic, hard cheeses like parmesan or romano and marinara type sauces.

Roasted Delicata Squash

     I cooked the delicata squash that a local farmer introduced to me yesterday. He was right. Although it felt as dense as its other winter counterparts, its skin was thin enough to slice and eat. The skin is not as soft as a zucchini but not as hard as the butternut. There was no need to peel the skin. Their flavor is indeed richer and texture creamier than the butternut too. My kids loved it! Give it a try. If you aren't already acquainted with squash, maybe this will open new culinary doors for you and your family too.

Give delicata squash a try:

The Farmer's Recipe for Roasted Delicata Squash

1. Simply slice the delicata squash down the middle length-wise and scoop out the seeds.
2. Cut off the ends and slice it width-wise so you end up with half-inch thick half-circles.
3. Place cut-up squash in a large bowl and coat with olive oil using your hands to toss them inside the bowl.
4. Lay squash pieces on foil tray and sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper.
5. Bake for 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees. Flip squash with metal spatula half-way through baking.
6. Roasted delicata squash are done when the carmelized edges are brown.
To learn more about the many winter squash varieties, click on: http://whatscookingamerica.net/squash.htm

Is Your Phone Smarter Than You?

Like so many people I used to chastise, I too have fallen from grace.  I admit that I have allowed my cell phone to completely possess me.

     This morning, after I hit the button to close my garage door remote button, I pressed another button at the top of my phone.  Dark screen.  No response.
     I gasped.
     I had failed the evening prior, to follow my daily regimen of charging my cell phone, setting its phone alarm and leaving it within reach on my night stand.  As a result, my entire morning was a half hour behind.
     There were no persistent, high pitched beeps from my phone.  Instead my eyes were forced open by natural daylight streaming through my bedroom window and my ears detected my neighbor's dog's bark alarm at 6:30am.  That half hour cost me.  I missed my yoga stretches and instead of a leisurely morning, lunches were haphazardly packed, breakfasts were flashed on the run.  Because both buses were missed, the kids needed rides to school.  Could I still get to my 9:00 a.m. breakfast meeting on time?
     At the stop sign on Rope Ferry Road, you could hear the clinking of my son's spoon to his ceramic bowl of steaming strawberry oatmeal -- an unusual sound paired with the pop music in the front seat of my car.
     No smart phone meant no way to quickly check my contact info for the location of the meeting.  There was no time to go back into the house and rifle through computer files.  I took for granted I could look at the last minute in the morning, so I only had a vague idea where I was going.  I had been there a handful of times before.  I had a strong visual on the street, the mailbox and the walkway to the front door.  I remember making a left at a restaurant on Route 1, passing two stop signs and then parking at the third stop sign.  But I could not recall the actual street name or building number.  I had no way to call if I got lost or was running late due to traffic.
     I looked at the car clock after dropping off my second child.  I could make it if all went smoothly, but there certainly was not enough time to go back home to look for a car phone charger cord.
     "What did I do before the cell phone was invented?" I thought to myself.
     I would have asked several days ahead, not only for the address and phone number of the destination, but also for the directions.  Otherwise, I would have flipped open a street map and highlighted the route.  If I got lost or was running late, I would have been able to stop at a street phone booth to call.
     "What did I do before the smart phone?" I again asked myself.
     I would have done a map search on the home computer and printed the directions to bring along.
     But the smart phone had made my brain lazy.  I relied on it any random second of the day.  I made dog grooming appointments while walking the dog.  I confirmed hair and doctor appointments while waiting on the grocery line or at the gas station.  I never bothered doing any research the day before having to drive two hours to my daughter's gymnastics meets.
     My smart phone knew everything.
     It told me when to wake up, who to call, when to do a task, where to go and answered virtually any question that came up during debates with friends.
     Ironically, despite the fact that I programmed my phone to nag me to prepare to leave 15 minutes early to my appointments, I seemed to always arrive 15 minutes late.  I kept fooling myself.  I no longer had a natural sense of time.  I allowed my phone to become smarter than me.
     Fortunately, this morning I had the good sense to have faith in myself.  I had no choice but to rely on my visualization skills.  I used to call it my photographic memory in high school.  I could see where I had to go in my head.
     I was encouraged by the fact that I got both kids to school on time, so I proceeded to the highway and just drove, trusting that the universe would help me get to my destination within the remaining time.  I made all the turns and stops that my body remembered.  And when I finally walked through the front door, I smiled as I saw the wall clock.
     I was on time.  On the dot, in fact.  I had outsmarted my phone.

The After-School Shuffle

Are you exhausted, juggling your children's after school activities, you need a carpool and are going mad?  There are options.  

     Fear not, for you are not alone.  There are many struggling parents churning the gas pedal and wearing out their brakes due to  frequent stop and go drop-offs.  It is even more taxing when one child has an activity and the other does not, but you have to drive a distance to get there.       Some parents hide their frustration.  They paste an enthusiastic smile on their face and blow their kids kisses from the driver's seat.  Everything is fine.  They don't mind being the family chauffeur.  The other sibling is an angel, quietly awaiting the next stop, which may include being dragged on errands to several stores.  These parents wave their hands in slow motion as they pull away from the curb.  
     "See you later!  Have fun!" they sing out the window.  
     Some parents are more transparent, but at least they are honest about the situation.  They jerk the car into an awkward halt, expressing disgust with each gear shift.  No words are exchanged.  There is no eye contact.  The door slams shut.  The car screeches away in a blur.  
     And then there are many who are just plain old stuck.  With gas prices as high as they are, it does not make sense to drive 20 miles to go home only to come back a couple of hours later.  So they park the car and force the sibling to accompany them in the waiting area for the duration of the older sibling's activity.    
     Some children are equipped with a backpack full of distractions, but they complain the entire time.  
     "Why can't we come back later?" the kid says.  "I want to go home.  This stinks."
     "Do your homework," the parent replies.  "Where's your book?"
     "Hhmmph," the kid blurts, slumping in the chair.
     In some cases, the parent comes equipped with a good book, paperwork or a laptop and gets busy while the child plays games on a phone for two hours.  
     After observing all of these situations and even experiencing all three at some point myself, it dawned on me that there were options I had not yet considered.  

Option 1: The Homework Cafe    
Find a nice cafe in the area where you and the sibling can look forward to a relaxing and fun atmosphere in which to work/study and maybe enjoy some snacks later as a reward.  Come prepared with productive and enjoyable work for you and the sibling.   The child should do homework first, then read or play educational puzzles and games afterwards.  If the crowd or music at the cafe is too loud or distracting, bring along a laptop, iPod, tablet or e-reader and earphones to tune into conducive instrumental music on Pandora Radio using the cafe's free Wi-Fi internet access.  If this is not an option, try finding the local library, get some work done, read a good book (yes, the kind with a spine and actual pages to flip) and then go out for a coffee/smoothie afterward.    

Option 2: Shopping Marathon    
Plan all your grocery and errand shopping around your commuting calendar.  Try to involve the sibling in the shopping strategy.  Maybe he or she will help cook that evening and you can pick up ingredients for the menu together.  Maybe he or she needs extra supplies for a project or needs a new pair of jeans.  This is a good time to do personal shopping with him or her.  Or maybe there are events coming up in the near future and you need to buy greeting cards, gifts or special outfits to wear to the party.  This might be the opportune time to just window shop together.  

Option 3: Find or Start a Carpool    
Chances are, there are other parents at your gym, studio or sports team looking to pair up with other families juggling their kids schedule, but how do you find them?  Just start talking to people.  Find out where they commute from and ask how they manage.  Keep your eyes and ears wide open for the opportunity.  A new parent joined my daughter's gym and desperately needed to find a carpool for her 11-year-old because the 40 mile commute was not going to work three times a week without one.  So she did the most efficient thing; she asked the coach to e-mail all the team parents inquiring whether other parents might be interested.  We quickly became acquainted with another family and have since worked out a three-way carpool that is flexible and offers each of us a one-way drop-off or pick-up option.  When one can't make it, usually there is a back-up.  We stay in touch through phone texts before and during the carpool.  It isn't perfect, but more often than not, the sibling can comfortably do their work and then unwind at home at least half of the time.  

Have any other after school commuting ideas?  Please share them with us.

First Day, Great Beginnings

There is something universally motivating about the first day of school.  New sneakers, new notebooks, a new season and new agendas.  As Waterford students donned their backpacks and boarded school buses this morning, many parents breathed a little easier.  We look forward to renewed structure and boundaries in our family's work, play and sleep schedules.
     "Are you enjoying your summer?" I said to people I encountered in recent weeks.
It was a great way to quickly exchange stories about our respective family's fun in the sun.  We discussed exciting destinations, unique camps, beach and park days.  We talked about how much our children have grown.  We also commiserated about the physical hazards of excessive sitting during road and air travel, overexposure to electronic screens and chronically abused bedtimes.  When the time came, how were the kids going to wake up at the sound of their alarm at the crack of dawn?
     And yet, as my own kids attested this morning, their inner clocks were far superior to the ones sitting on their bedroom desks.  Apparently, they woke up a couple of times before enough daylight even seeped through their curtains.  One eye opened slightly to peek at the clock, only to realize it wasn't time yet.  They anxiously awaited the official time to rise.  They welcomed school, if not for new academic challenges, perhaps for the chance to simply see their friends and classmates regularly again.
     Both my fourth grader and eighth grader agreed it was a good idea to prepare their school bags and lay out their clothes before bed.  This alleviated morning stress and facilitated their movement from bedroom to bathroom to kitchen.  Alarms were set.  My alarm sounded at 6 a.m. and I joined my eighth grader in a warm-up jog around the neighborhood.  It got our blood flowing.  We were energized for the day.  It helped him start training for his cross country season.  Little did he know that it was me who needed the company out there.  I needed to jump start my own new fitness regimen.  The cool, crisp air and golden daybreak greeted our every stride.
     While he enjoyed breakfast, I packed the kids' school lunches.  A few minutes later, thirty minutes ahead of her alarm clock's setting, his sister joined us in the kitchen, dressed for school.  It was the first time she had ever sat at the breakfast table before her brother boarded his earlier middle school bus.  She surprised us and herself too.
     Once he was off to school and she was finished with her meal, the dog realized he was in for a big treat.  He immediately sat by the front door to listen for the rumbling and roar of the bus.  He paced in anticipation as I grabbed some plastic bags and his leash.
     "Ah, the familiar sounds of a good morning," his canine brain must have recalled.   
     My dog must have revelled in the sound of neighborhood kids approaching the edge of their driveways and barked at the screech of the halting big yellow monster.  Once she boarded and the noise of the bus faded down the road, he pulled me into the street and pranced up the hill.  It was his time now.  It had not been as predictable all summer as the family schedule became uber flexible.
     Now he could look forward to his one mile a day walk with me.  And after a summer sabbatical from writing, I can once again count on the flow of story ideas that our morning walks will bring.

My Dad: Screwdriver, Typewriter and Road Map

At this time of year, the word Dad typically conjures up portraits of fathers grilling, doing rugged work in the yard or power tooling in the garage.  But I can define my Dad's character and my bond with him, by more meaningful imagery; a screwdriver, a typewriter and a map.
     When I was a young girl growing up in a borough of New York, I was afraid of many things.  I often had nightmares about subway muggers, home burglars and potential predators lurking the city streets.  Perhaps it was because I watched too many network television news programs.  But it was something I did with Dad before dinner.  We sat on the couch, watched the city headlines and discussed how to practice safety.  I was taking the train to junior high school at twelve years old, so I listened intently.
     "Don't make eye contact with strangers.  Always look as if you know exactly where you are going.  Travel in groups," said Dad.
     At night, I watched him close and lock all the windows and doors of our apartment.  He further secured my bedroom window with a screwdriver.  He placed a door jammer under the front and back doors.  It was not so unusual given the break-in our next door neighbors experienced and the fact that our family car had been stolen right in front of our place.  I have carried Dad's safety warnings with me throughout my college years on and off campus, into my twenties as a single working female commuting back and forth over the East River and throughout my thirties as a Mom with little ones to protect.
     Dad inspired me during my elementary school years to learn how to type, to do it well and to use this skill as a way to make a steady income.  He worked in government positions using data entry skills and ultimately honed a career in accounting.  I remember typing my poems, stories and college entrance essay on an IBM PC Junior computer.  We could barely afford it, but I remember him insisting that it was a good investment in our future.  Typing ensured a non-stop flow of college summer temp jobs and eventually paved a way for me in the fields of advertising, marketing and communications.  To this day I appreciate having the ability to type as fast as my thoughts flow.  I am encouraged by Dad's support of my writing and the occasional comment he bravely posts on my blogs.
     Ironically, it was my Mom, not my Dad, who encouraged me to learn how to drive in my teens.  Of course my father worried about my safety behind the wheel so he wanted no part in my driving education.  But I knew I would not always have access to public transportation so I felt it was my American right to pursue a driver's license.  I surprised him.
     "Guess what, Dad.  I have my driver's license," I said.
     "You what?  That's not possible," he said.
     Although my Mom had a driver's license, he was the designated family driver.  It was his role.  He was not accustomed to seeing women drive (well).
     "Sorry, but it's a done deal," I replied.
     I felt bad that I betrayed his wishes at the time, but knew in my heart it was the right thing for my future.  Although he must have been very upset that I did this at the time, he did not fight it.  Instead, he began to research the best makes of vehicles; their safety record, efficiency and performance ratings.  He believed in Honda as a reliable car brand.  After two years of dragging luggage through bus and subway terminals and perusing carpool ride on-campus boards, I was thrilled that Dad had helped me get a car loan for a new Honda Accord hatchback.  It served me well for the next ten years.
     I remember Dad ordering road maps from AAA for me.  He marked the routes with a bright yellow highlighter.  I had spent many years as the family road trip navigator on long car rides.  He taught me how to read a road map and how to visualize the north, south, east or west bound exit off ramps.
     "As long as you have and can find your location on a map, you will never be lost," Dad said.
     To this day, I prefer reading and marking up road maps rather than relying on an electronic navigator.  As a result, I never feel anxiety when driving someplace new.  If I miss an exit, I pull over, refer to my map and happily turn around.
     Happy Father's Day, Dad.  Thanks for all your guidance to date.  I still hear your safety warnings and advice, every step I take.
     What about you -- what imagery does the word Dad evoke for you?  Share a comment...

School Rallies for Emily

Dedicating a fun event to benefit a very ill child, has the power to make a dramatic difference in a 10-year-old's life. So is the decision for a family in need to accept help.

Gigiotti with Guarraia and Macione.

     On Friday, June 1st, Oswegatchie Elementary School students and staff performed at their annual talent show. There was a variety of very entertaining Disney-themed acts, including a combination of high energy and soulful singers, dancers, musicians, gymnasts, martial artists, hula hoopers, jump ropers and even a twirler. The teachers and staff also delighted students and the audience with their choreographed ensemble routine.
     The original plan was to donate all of the show's proceeds toward the Cactus Jack Foundation. But when members of the Oswegatchie school community learned that fifth grader Emily Feldman is currently fighting a rare health condition known as Moyamoya disease, they acted quickly.  Kim Saucier, one of the teachers involved with directing the talent show immediately proposed to Amie Guarraia, fellow teacher and director of the show, that they approach the school's principal about splitting the proceeds between the two worthy causes.
     According to the Mayfield Clinic for Brain and Spine, Moyamoya disease is a disorder caused by blocked arteries at the base of the brain, a life-threatening condition that requires Emily to undergo surgery that focuses on reducing risk of stroke and restoring blood flow to the brain. The name "moyamoya" means "puff of smoke" in Japanese and describes the appearance of the tangle of tiny vessels that form to compensate for the blockage. In the United States, the risk of developing Moyamoya is less than one in 100,000.
     When Oswegatchie Principal Nancy Macione announced that the event had raised a total of $1,311, Cactus Jack Foundation's representative Tim Gigliotti joined her and Amie Guarraia on stage to accept the check on behalf of the foundation and the Feldman family. He went on to surprise everyone by stating that Cactus Jack Foundation was not only donating their half of the proceeds to the Feldmans, but was matching it as well.
     “Emily is so happy to know that so many people care about her,” said Andrew Feldman, Emily's father.
     He said at first it was very difficult for Emily to let people know about her health condition. She didn't want to be labeled as different from everyone else. But it became very important for her teachers to learn about her health challenges and to work around it as a matter of precaution.
     The Feldmans also worried about the cost of the extensive medical treatments that Emily will be soon undergoing.
     “It's been a tough year,” said Feldman. “I was unemployed for 6 months and recently got a new job so I'm just getting back on my feet.”
     Although his wife is employed as a nurse, she will need to take a leave of absence to care for Emily post-operation and there will be a lot of travel involved between their home in Waterford and Boston Children's Hospital where Emily will be treated.
     “At first our family felt it was best to keep everything private, for Emily's sake,” said Feldman. “But the more we opened up to people that we are in need, the more I realized that we have to learn to accept support in order to triumph over adversity. It has made all the difference in the world for Emily and my family.”
     Feldman credits a physical therapist for pinpointing the true source of all of Emily's health issues. She was there at the recommendation of doctors after she complained of severe foot pain. After observing that one side of her body was significantly weaker than the other, the physical therapist urged that Emily receive some neurological testing. Over the past ten years, Feldman said Emily experienced some very concerning symptoms, from her inability to move one arm as an infant, to collapsing one day at preschool, to having vision, cognitive and hand eye motor skill issues in recent years. He said her primary care physician did not consider her symptoms serious because they were intermittent.
     In hindsight, he wished that more diagnostic tests were done much earlier, but it takes major symptoms and a life-threatening diagnosis for insurance to cover testing expenses.  As a former ballet dancer who is attuned to the body, Feldman said he "immediately knew something was askew" with Emily's health.  It is now considered very likely that all of Emily's symptoms over the years were probably related. Emily 's fainting spells may have been mild transient ischemic attacks (TIA) or mini-strokes due to partially blocked arteries in the brain. Eye glasses and orthotics for flat feet were not the answer to her problems.

     The Feldmans consider the many blessings in Emily's situation. They feel fortunate that she has had few symptoms despite her advanced Moyamoya condition. As they await Emily's surgery date on June 19, their main concern is to keep her hydrated, to keep her blood flow volume strong.
     “Youth is on her side. I am thankful that she is young, flexible and malleable,” said Feldman.
      It was important to Emily that she not miss any school. Their family was thankful that she could continue to have some semblance of normalcy after she was diagnosed. She will have the summer to recover and look forward to resuming normal activity one month after the surgery.
     “I have my faith and I appreciate the support of my family, friends and community,” said Feldman. “I feel like everything is going to be okay.”

If you live in the area, you can help Emily in her challenge to fight Moyamoya disease by going bowling with friends and family at Holiday Bowl (also known as Spare Time) in Groton this Friday, June 8^th from 7:00-9:00pm. Tickets are 12.00 each - call 860 235 4654 or e-mail arwenjinn@aol.com or just pay at the door.

To view Emily's Facebook site about her journey to overcome Moyamoya Disease and find out how you can help if you are not able to attend the event, click here: http://www.facebook.com/emilymoyamoya

For more general info about Moyamoya Disease click here: http://www.mayfieldclinic.com/PE-Moyamoya.htm 

Unclutter...for Everyone's Good!

Temple Emanu-El hosted a community tag sale on May 20th.

A pile of junk in the house has the potential to accomplish a lot of good in a community.  Yet some people balk at the idea of setting up a yard sale.  They cringe at the thought of going through their stuff, hauling items outside and sitting out there for hours, only to possibly be insulted by nickel and dime offers.  The truth is that by tapping into a community tag sale, everyone seems to benefit; the takers, the givers and beyond.
     This past weekend Temple Emanu-El, of Waterford, held a successful community tag sale.  They were encouraged by their first tag sale last Fall.  A few weeks ago, they invited congregants and the general public to lease a spot as a tag sale vendor or donate items that were still in good working condition toward the tag sale.  Their vendor fee served as a donation to the Temple, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization which actively supports other important institutions in our area, including the Habitat for Humanity, the New London Soup Kitchen and the Interfaith Food Locker.  Congregants who were willing to donate all their proceeds to the Temple did not need to pay the vendor fee. 
     The beauty of the community tag sale was that there were many hands involved.  Each tag saler was responsible for setting up his or her own table in a designated section of the Temple's parking lot.  The tag saler cars showed up.  Items were quickly disembarked.  Cars were parked.  The Temple had reserved a limited number of tables.  Some tag sale item donors who could not commit to sitting at a tag sale table were given the opportunity to drop off their donations ahead of time.  Pick-ups were arranged for the elderly.  On the morning of the event, enough volunteers willingly sorted through the donation items and quickly arranged them into some order on the designated Temple tag sale tables.
     It was a lovely sun-kissed day of negotiations in the Temple's parking lot.  There was a steady stream of tag sale shoppers that arrived to check out advertised items from a 10-foot rowboat to home goods, sports equipment, children's items, books and more.  There were also wonderful refreshments available for purchase at the bake sale table.  Children had a thrilling shopping experience.  Their one dollar went a long way.
     The best part of the community tag sale was clean-up because there was no drudgery involved whatsoever.  Diane Johnson, who introduced herself as a representative of Waterford High School's Drama Club, asked a key question while perusing the tables.
     "What are you going to do with all the unsold items at the end of the tag sale?" she said.
     "Goodwill.  Why, are you looking for some items for a tag sale too?" one of the Temple's tag sale volunteers replied. 
     It was a matter of fact.  The Waterford Drama Club was in the midst of collecting items for their upcoming tag sale on June 2nd.  Last Fall, Temple Emanu-El also had the fortune of meeting a member of the Waterford Historical Society, who was in preparation for their tag sale the following week too.  It was destiny once again.
     "By the way," I said later, as a group of us helped load up her pick-up truck with the remaining tag sale items.  "Would you mind circulating some flyers for us at your tag sale?  Temple Emanu-El is hosting its annual Silent & Live Auction on June 2nd, the same day as your tag sale.  It's at 6:30pm that evening."
     "Sure," she said.  "I would be happy to hang some of the flyers up and hand some out."
     So partner up with members of your organization or even neighbors on your street.  Frequent tag saler shoppers like multi-family tag sales because it shortens the list of stops they have to make around town.  Donors and sellers will be blessed with open space in their homes.  Takers can enjoy their new affordable treasures.  Fundraisers like this help ensure that Temple Emanu-El will continue to exist and actively support social action causes in the area.
     Cost and labor efficient fundraisers like community tag sales benefit everyone.  You can start today.  If you live in the area, go through your stuff and contact Diane Johnson at the Waterford Drama Club about your tag sale donations or shop their tag sale on June 2nd.  Afterwards, (shameless plug alert), check out Temple Emanu-El's Silent and Live Auction at 6:30pm that evening! 

For out-of-town readers of this blog, I invite you to Shop for Some Good.  Help support Temple Emanu-El's online auction, which closes this Friday May 25th.  There's still time to bid on fantastic items... www.templeauction.com

Make Mom Happy

What is the best way to celebrate a truly Happy Mother's Day? The trick is knowing Mom well enough to see what is the most meaningful way to say thank you to HER.

A butterfly visiting my petunias one Mother's Day.

      I'm a Mom who has a Mom and Mom-in-law. Whenever Mother's Day approaches, I experience stress, not relaxation. Why? Because every year I worry about whether both Moms will be disappointed once again, because they will not receive the visit they wish they were having from my family. No matter what my family has planned for me on Mother's Day, I find myself feeling guilty that I didn't plan something that included our Moms.

     "They're grandmothers. You're the mother now," my husband says sympathetically.

     "But they don't stop being mothers to us," I hear myself say.

     Both Moms appreciate being recognized on or around Mother's Day, which has been impossible for us to do in person for many years now, since we moved 2.5 hours away. It was easier before we had children, when we lived less than a half hour away from both of them. We popped in for brunch with one and did an early dinner with the other one later in the day. Both Moms were happy to get a visit from daughter/son-in-law and daughter-in-law/son. But ever since I became a Mom, I realized that I want to be available for my kids to celebrate within our own little family unit. I secretly hope I can be completely useless to them during the entire day, free of chores and anxiety of any kind.

An azalea flower in my garden.

      One year, I just wanted the entire day to plant petunias, impatiens and marigolds in containers on my deck. I remember enjoying a visit from a slinky red fox who wandered into my backyard that afternoon. Another year, we enjoyed a walk and picnic as a family at the Connecticut College Arboretum. We picked up sandwiches and drinks from Subway and brought along our cameras. I still admire the photographs we took of the various trees, flowering bushes and water lilies on the pond that day. My favorite photos are the off-center pictures the children took of me with the blue sky in the background, shot from their vantage point below. Another time we decided to see the new flick Iron Man followed by a sushi dinner, my favorite. It didn't matter what we did. All I cared about was that I was with my family and that I didn't have to cook, clean, drive or nag anyone to do anything.

      So where does that leave Moms of adult children? Someday that will be me, when my children have become responsible for themselves and their husbands and their own children. Hey, wait a minute. That's the key. They will be responsible for themselves, their husbands and their own children! That means as a grandparent someday I will not have the same need to receive a physical break from incessant family rearing, shuttling and household chores. I would still want the acknowledgement though. I would want to know that they care about me and recognize all of my efforts through the years, to help them become the best that they could be. I would want to know that they still needed me in their life in some way, whether it be for advice or just someone willing to listen.

My lilac bush in full bloom.

      So make your Mom happy on Mother's Day. Show her that you thought of her and appreciate having her in your life even if you live far away. You don't need to pack the kids' suitcases and drive 200 miles just to have brunch with her for the day. Maybe it is a beautiful arrangement of flowers because she never buys fresh flowers. Maybe it's a video chat so she can see how big the children have grown. Maybe it's a comfortable new fleece throw emblazoned with her favorite family photo. Maybe it's a membership to fruit of the month club because she's trying to cut back on chocolate and sweets. Maybe it's a book of Cross Sound ferry tickets so she'll be encouraged to visit you and her grandchildren often. Maybe it's a home-made card signed by every member of the family, even the dog.

      If you live close enough to set aside a part of the day for a personal visit, you will surely surpass all of her expectations. Take her to brunch, lunch or dinner. Take her to the movies, to a show or to a ballgame. Take her to the salon, to the park or to the museum. Have her over for a slice of pie and a cup of tea and pick her brain about her past. She would love to tell you stories. If you are inclined to include her in your family's plans, by all means invite her to tag along!

      In my town, the local Patch.com site is accepting favorite photo submissions of "Mom and Me." The simplest and most legendary gesture we can make to our Moms is to tell the world why we think she is the best Mom!  To all my readers who are Moms...may you have a truly Happy Mother's Day!