Daily Bike Strides

Time to dust off our bikes, pump the tires and get moving outdoors, snowflakes or not! As I examined my bike early this morning to assess its conditioning requirements, I was reminded of an inspiring biking encounter I had at a state park, a couple of years ago.

I walked with a friend and our dogs regularly during the warmer weather. We pushed ourselves to keep going even once the temperatures dropped dramatically, even braving ice patches and submerging our boots in deep snow-covered trails. 

All year long, regardless of the day of the week or season, we noticed this senior citizen who rode his old-fashioned bike faithfully. He always had his transistor radio on board a basket of some sort, which played some oldies. He hummed or sang along as he passed by. He rode the bike leisurely, almost meandering like he was happy to lose himself in the song and had no particular path or direction to follow.

One very chilly winter day, we saw him outside his locked car door and heard him say over the cell phone that he had accidentally locked his car keys inside and didn't know what he would do.

We decided to offer him a ride home to fetch his keys. I was the lucky driver who took the opportunity to ask him a few questions.

"So you must love bike riding a lot to be out here so often, even in freezing temperatures," I said.

"I loved skiing and did it very well for many years. And then one day, I had an accident and was bed-ridden for too long. I swore I would never not move again," he replied.

"I see you here all the time. How often do you ride your bike?"

"Every day I get up, eat breakfast and ride my bike here for 3 hours. Then I stop home to have lunch and come back here to ride for 3 hours more. Afterwards I make myself a nice dinner and then I scrapbook."

What got me was not the fact that he rode his bike for 6 hours a day. It was his structured life. He had lived alone for the past year since his wife had passed away.

"Why do you ride alone? Why don't you ask family or friends to join you?"

"You think I don't have family or friends? I got me lots of them. They live far away and they are always nagging me to move closer to them. But this town is my home. And this is what I love to do. I have the use of both of my legs and I can ride my bike as long as I like as often as I like. I am a very happy man."

"And the scrapbooking?"

"The Mrs took the time to take all of these beautiful photos of us with the kids. She loved to scrapbook. And now I have all the time in the world to finish what she started."

Practice Makes Progress

How are you doing with your new year's resolution? Reaching out to others with similar goals or with expertise for support is the key to success, regardless of the personal goal.  Forgiving oneself and getting back on track, each time one digresses, is an effective way to achieve long term success.

I have a personal disdain for the term "practice makes perfect."  I heard it all my life and I've had enough.  Reaching toward perfection with every task and goal has a profound effect on the will to keep trying.  It is sometimes counter productive to focus so much on the desired outcome rather than the daily work.  Constant pats on the back are more reassuring than fear of failure.

My goal is to write 750 words or three double-spaced pages per day. There are days when I barely write 250 words and others when I don't get to it at all.  Of course I feel defeated when this happens, but no one can take away the progress that I have made.  At least I am still on track if I get back online and keep writing.  A log has been helpful.  I am accountable to myself each day.  If I miss a day, I note what kept me from doing it that day.  I sometimes also add some other productive thing I might have done that day to help me feel good rather than punish myself.  At the end of the week or month, I analyze my pattern of on track versus off track behavior.  Was the failure acceptable given unexpected challenges or other work that needed to get done?  

My ambitious goals used to be writing at least 750 words toward the book I am working on, but I have found that my creative process doesn't work that way. There are days I need to explore possible themes and work out my ideas in journal format. I have days when I wake up and run to the computer with scenes clearly laid out in my head and I write enough to satisfy three days of writing goals.  I discovered this through the logging method.  For aspiring writers out there, I highly recommend logging on to an online journaling site www.750words.com.   It has really made a difference in my writing life.  By not editing myself and focusing just on regular mind dumps, I am able to remove the usual writer's roadblocks and just write.  At the end of these sessions, I often discover diamonds in the rough which can be elevated to scenes, chapters, articles and blogs.  It has also been beneficial as a general well-being tool, helping me to unclutter my mind and focus better on my daily goals.  

Having a support network has also kept me accountable.  I meet regularly with a group of other serious writers working on developing their writing projects.  We take turns presenting our pieces and critique each others' work.  We give each other deadlines.  I look forward to these check-in points and hearing about their progress inspires me to do the same. Hearing about their challenges prompts me to share advice with them.

The same goes for health goals.  I have a dog so I need to walk him on a daily basis.  This is also good for me.  To help inspire each other, especially during the cold weather, my friends and I try to meet at local parks and walk our dogs together.  Because we look forward to chatting and catching up on life, we end up walking two or three times longer than we normally do when walking our dogs alone.

Sometimes all we need is the company of other people trying to accomplish similar goals.  Another person's perspective, experience, expertise and good advice can help point us in the right direction.  If you or someone you know is struggling alone to get on track with their health and well-being goals, check out these three local opportunities:

• Join a Get Healthy Challenge: Susan Epstein, Certified Health Coach, recently launched a Lose Big-Win Big Contest locally, offering prizes as an incentive.  They shared best kept "secrets" for weight loss and optimal health, offering samples of delicious and healthy food and strategies for lowering or eliminating medications for diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol.  Contact Susan to see if this program is appropriate for you at 860-437-0233 or susan@gethealthywithsusan or read about weight loss and healthy habits through this website: epsteins.tsfl.com/explore

• Learn more about Nutrition: What you eat has a profound effect on your total well being. You do not need to be overweight to be concerned with your eating habits. A registered Dietitian can help you work towards making healthier food choices by analyzing what you are eating now and making changes that you can actually achieve. Many people need to understand how to read food labels, understand what a portion really is and pay attention to whether they are really hungry. Registered dietitians can guide you and give you the knowledge you need to make lifetime changes in your eating habits. Janine Sitko R.D. has a private practice in East Lyme CT. Contact information:  (860) 739-9488  j9sit@ct.metrocast.net

• Daytime Zumba for Moms with Young Children: Now Moms with young children and infants in tow can have a fun dance workout when they are home during weekday mornings as babysitting is offered during class. Nancy Coleman is offering Zumba on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 10:00-11:00 a.m. here in Waterford.  Classes are held at Temple Emanu-El which is located at 29 Dayton Road. Try the class for free or contact Nancy for more information at ngc31602@aol.com.

Forget your New Year's Resolutions, make your New Day's Resolution now. 

Acquainted with the Squash

Two varieties of spaghetti squash, acorn, buttercup and delicata.

I have been one acquainted with the squash. My long-standing familiarity has been with the summer variety, zucchini and yellow squash and more recently, those cute pattypan ones. My family just met yet another interesting type of winter squash. Hello, delicata.
    What draws me to winter squash are their unique shape, color and texture. They are round, pear-shaped, oval or long-necked. Some have stripes, indentations and ridges while others have a smooth surface and even color tone. The flesh ranges from gold to orange. Whether they feature an exterior shade or combination of green, yellow, orange, beige and tan, they have one thing in common. Unlike summer squash, which tend to have thinner, edible skin, winter squash have denser flesh and much thicker skin, making them a challenge to prepare.
     Winter squash are a pleasure to display as a Fall portrait. Stacked or leaning against a bale of hay or filling a harvest basket beautifully, they are hard to imagine as being more than decoration given their hard exterior and solid interior. Only the squash-experienced are aware of their complex richness, variety of flavors and nutritional benefits. Some are stringy; others are more starchy like a potato; and then there are creamy ones which are ideal mashed or pureed for soup.
     In the past, I prepared the occasional butternut squash soup or roasted acorn squash as a starter course, but ever since a member of my family experienced serious food sensitivities to grain, starch and sugar, we turned to winter squash as potato and sweet potato substitutes. We discovered a world of delicious recipes and even began concocting our own. Some experienced winter squash handlers are able to forcefully halve them prior to baking or roasting, as most recipes suggest. I learned that this is not an easy task. Even with a very sharp knife, I lack the confidence, burly strength, height and leverage to drive the edge into its center. Recipes assured me that the sturdy vegetable would eventually give, but I never seemed to have a firm grip of the sharpest knife I could fine. The squash often had my kitchen implement in a headlock and it would win!
     So I do the most logical thing. After scrubbing and rinsing the squash first, I roast it whole. I bake an average size squash into a baking pan in the oven at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes. I test its readiness by poking it with a skewer. If the skin has a golden glow, easily punctures and its juices ooze, it is ready to be sliced in a civil manner. Once cooked, I can easily scoop out the seeds and peel the skin, either slice them into chunks or scoop and mash the flesh, then season and serve or puree and combine with soup broth.
     What I love about squash is that they can be prepared either sweet or savory. Many recipes for butternut, acorn and buttercup encourage a simple seasoning of butter or margarine with brown sugar or maple syrup. Heartier preparations for spaghetti squash may consist of olive oil, garlic, hard cheeses like parmesan or romano and marinara type sauces.

Roasted Delicata Squash

     I cooked the delicata squash that a local farmer introduced to me yesterday. He was right. Although it felt as dense as its other winter counterparts, its skin was thin enough to slice and eat. The skin is not as soft as a zucchini but not as hard as the butternut. There was no need to peel the skin. Their flavor is indeed richer and texture creamier than the butternut too. My kids loved it! Give it a try. If you aren't already acquainted with squash, maybe this will open new culinary doors for you and your family too.

Give delicata squash a try:

The Farmer's Recipe for Roasted Delicata Squash

1. Simply slice the delicata squash down the middle length-wise and scoop out the seeds.
2. Cut off the ends and slice it width-wise so you end up with half-inch thick half-circles.
3. Place cut-up squash in a large bowl and coat with olive oil using your hands to toss them inside the bowl.
4. Lay squash pieces on foil tray and sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper.
5. Bake for 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees. Flip squash with metal spatula half-way through baking.
6. Roasted delicata squash are done when the carmelized edges are brown.
To learn more about the many winter squash varieties, click on: http://whatscookingamerica.net/squash.htm

Make Mom Happy

What is the best way to celebrate a truly Happy Mother's Day? The trick is knowing Mom well enough to see what is the most meaningful way to say thank you to HER.

A butterfly visiting my petunias one Mother's Day.

      I'm a Mom who has a Mom and Mom-in-law. Whenever Mother's Day approaches, I experience stress, not relaxation. Why? Because every year I worry about whether both Moms will be disappointed once again, because they will not receive the visit they wish they were having from my family. No matter what my family has planned for me on Mother's Day, I find myself feeling guilty that I didn't plan something that included our Moms.

     "They're grandmothers. You're the mother now," my husband says sympathetically.

     "But they don't stop being mothers to us," I hear myself say.

     Both Moms appreciate being recognized on or around Mother's Day, which has been impossible for us to do in person for many years now, since we moved 2.5 hours away. It was easier before we had children, when we lived less than a half hour away from both of them. We popped in for brunch with one and did an early dinner with the other one later in the day. Both Moms were happy to get a visit from daughter/son-in-law and daughter-in-law/son. But ever since I became a Mom, I realized that I want to be available for my kids to celebrate within our own little family unit. I secretly hope I can be completely useless to them during the entire day, free of chores and anxiety of any kind.

An azalea flower in my garden.

      One year, I just wanted the entire day to plant petunias, impatiens and marigolds in containers on my deck. I remember enjoying a visit from a slinky red fox who wandered into my backyard that afternoon. Another year, we enjoyed a walk and picnic as a family at the Connecticut College Arboretum. We picked up sandwiches and drinks from Subway and brought along our cameras. I still admire the photographs we took of the various trees, flowering bushes and water lilies on the pond that day. My favorite photos are the off-center pictures the children took of me with the blue sky in the background, shot from their vantage point below. Another time we decided to see the new flick Iron Man followed by a sushi dinner, my favorite. It didn't matter what we did. All I cared about was that I was with my family and that I didn't have to cook, clean, drive or nag anyone to do anything.

      So where does that leave Moms of adult children? Someday that will be me, when my children have become responsible for themselves and their husbands and their own children. Hey, wait a minute. That's the key. They will be responsible for themselves, their husbands and their own children! That means as a grandparent someday I will not have the same need to receive a physical break from incessant family rearing, shuttling and household chores. I would still want the acknowledgement though. I would want to know that they care about me and recognize all of my efforts through the years, to help them become the best that they could be. I would want to know that they still needed me in their life in some way, whether it be for advice or just someone willing to listen.

My lilac bush in full bloom.

      So make your Mom happy on Mother's Day. Show her that you thought of her and appreciate having her in your life even if you live far away. You don't need to pack the kids' suitcases and drive 200 miles just to have brunch with her for the day. Maybe it is a beautiful arrangement of flowers because she never buys fresh flowers. Maybe it's a video chat so she can see how big the children have grown. Maybe it's a comfortable new fleece throw emblazoned with her favorite family photo. Maybe it's a membership to fruit of the month club because she's trying to cut back on chocolate and sweets. Maybe it's a book of Cross Sound ferry tickets so she'll be encouraged to visit you and her grandchildren often. Maybe it's a home-made card signed by every member of the family, even the dog.

      If you live close enough to set aside a part of the day for a personal visit, you will surely surpass all of her expectations. Take her to brunch, lunch or dinner. Take her to the movies, to a show or to a ballgame. Take her to the salon, to the park or to the museum. Have her over for a slice of pie and a cup of tea and pick her brain about her past. She would love to tell you stories. If you are inclined to include her in your family's plans, by all means invite her to tag along!

      In my town, the local Patch.com site is accepting favorite photo submissions of "Mom and Me." The simplest and most legendary gesture we can make to our Moms is to tell the world why we think she is the best Mom!  To all my readers who are Moms...may you have a truly Happy Mother's Day!

Soul Matters

Soul matters.  What is burning deep inside us as a want, is important.  We are all born with an imprint of what makes us special.  Like flower buds, we each have the potential to bloom with the right nurturing.  It just takes a long time for some of us to recognize who we are and what it takes to make us sing from within.  Hopefully once we honor our souls, our flower petals can open wide in the full sun.
    I have always known since I was a little girl that I wanted to write.  I took every opportunity to write outside of school.  Sometimes it would be a journal entry.  Sometimes it was a letter to the electric company on behalf of my immigrant parents.  Sometimes it was an attempt to write a story.  Other times it was just to share with the world what was going on in my head and in my heart, knowing that the world was never actually going to read it.  I always wrote the truth.  The pen and paper were my best friends.  I usually felt a lot better after writing.
    I was somewhat still on track for a future in writing during high school, even if I was attending a science and math magnet high school.  It was an honor to be accepted into this selective program.  I had taken an entrance examination and my parents and I had prayed for the opportunity to go there.  And it worked.  I got in.  I happily attended Experimental Physics, Mechanical Drawing and Calculus classes along with Literature and Creative Writing classes.  The problem was not during high school when I was aiming to be accepted into a good university liberal arts program.  After freshman year I realized in time that I was following the wrong path toward an unwanted future in engineering.  The following year I declared my major in Literature and Rhetoric but it still all became rather confusing for the next 2 decades.
    After graduation, my absolute, positive certainty about being a writer someday instead became a dream with many questions.  During the early 1990s there was a recession.  People were lucky to have a job offer at all.  Maybe I could write a book on the side, someday, but in what practical profession could I apply my degree?  Would I teach?  Would that be enough to pay rent?  How about law or business instead?
    So I took a fork in the road that led to the business side of advertising, the media department, where my job was to buy print or outdoor space and radio or television broadcast air time.  It's ironic that I did that professionally for 8 years on behalf of my high visibility million dollar advertising clients, and yet every day now that I am free to write, I am battling to carve the right space and time to do what I was always meant to do: write!
    The problem is that what we do for a living is directly attached to our ego and our exterior fashion.  People judge us when we say what we do for a living.  Does it fit us?  Are we providing for ourselves and our families adequately?  Are we making our folks proud?  At some point we all submit to these very revealing questions.  The true question is, are we listening to our inner voice?  What's it saying because that knows more about us than everyone we think knows us inside and out. 
    The old adage is that we don't mind working when we are doing something we genuinely want to do.  There is no question that if I was already a writer when my children were born that I would have found a way to balance my all my loves in my life correctly.  Instead, I found myself writing media plans, press releases, copy for websites and brochures, introductory sales letters, pitch letters, leader speeches, feature articles, news articles, newsletter blurbs...the list goes on. 
    I kept thinking, this isn't me.  My family comes first.  I need to get back on track with my original goal to write.  Books.  Children's books.  Books for women.  Books that inform about something I've learned.  Books that absorb women, make them care and laugh or cry.  So I walked away from promising tracks in advertising, market research, journalism, communications.  I kept getting promoted because I was a hard worker.  I had good business sense.  I learned fast and I was efficient.  They never would have guessed that I was so unhappy.  They figured me for a "lifer."  Well I fooled them all, especially myself. 
    But I do not regret anything I've ever written.  Because I realize that I would not have this perspective or steadfastness now had I not experienced other kinds of writing.  Perhaps that is why I am now able to be direct in my writing and softer when the occasion calls for it.  Perhaps every single person I have met, likeable and grossly unappreciated, will somehow work their way into my books as characters.
    I certainly have met my fare share of pleasant and repulsive types.  Some led hateful, pushy, lazy, smarmy, manipulative and whiney lives while others were sincere, saintly, cheerful, hard-working, earnest and truly inspiring against the odds.  I have worked in such crazy environments that it's a miracle I ever survived them.  I have worked with stoic and robotic workhorses who must also have a soul somewhere in their bodies, screaming to be noticed or to express their true selves. 
    Yes, there are many stories to tell.

Embracing What Matters

Five plus years ago, a very good acupuncturist asked me to fill out a very unique batch of patient application forms.  I had found her practice because I was looking for acupressure massage services close to my home.  I had persistent pain in the back of my neck and upper back and I had no reason to believe that I was seriously ill.  I simply wanted an alternative and drug-free means to address the pain.  I seemed to also be under frequent virus attacks at the time.

I was used to those check-off boxes that listed all sorts of past ailments and symptoms in my health history.  But instead, I was asked to answer revealing questions in narrative form, like I was taking a personality test!  The first box asked me to list the five things I would like to do before I die.  Before I DIE!  Can you imagine bringing up that three letter word to someone obviously interested in maintaining health and wellness?  On the list, I wrote things like author and publish my own books someday and see my grandchildren grow up.  I found out that I was a wood element, which meant that I had a constant need to grow and that I had a tendency to be rigid like wood.  I tended to take safety in roots and shy away from risk.

To make a long story fit into this concise blog format, let me tell you what I finally realized after two years of interviews and needle sessions with my acupuncturist.  The secret to good health was my happiness.  This meant ensuring the alignment of my mind, body and spirit.  Only until I closed the door on a successful yet unfulfilling career in marketing and corporate communications and opened the door to designing a very satisfying "day job" that allowed me to be flexible enough to focus on raising my children, did I have a chance at being happy and healthy.  I honestly don't mind all those after-school minivan shuttles; those precious moments during which I could hear how my son and daughter's day went.  I love that each day now I am one step closer to finishing a manuscript.  I have faith that I'll get paid again someday when the product is done.  It's just that I'm still in the creative production mode.  And I love that I have time to volunteer in the community.

It's been a long, anxiety-ridden road to today.  But I appreciate this crystal clear perspective that I now have and I am grateful for the many life experiences I have gained along the way.  We all have the power to be happy as long as we are willing to take a hard look at how we spend our days and have the courage to make changes.