Halloween is for Everyone (Even Our Dogs)

Mac as a feline.

What is your dog wearing for Halloween this year?
     I admit it.  I dressed up my dog in a makeshift Halloween costume last year.  But I did not spend a penny to do so.  I had leftover material from almost 10 years ago sitting in a dusty box.  It was a glorious piece of wild feline spotted fleece.  I happily cut it up and made a cape for him so he could match his "sister" who wanted to be a cheetah last year.  I couldn't resist.  Look how adorable they were in the photo, with matching pumpkin baskets to boot!

Everyone needs a sidekick on Halloween!

     We are now termed "pet parents" rather than "pet owners."  I have embraced this new title.  My dog is the reason I hit the pavement for at least one mile per day, sometimes two miles, in the spirit of his and my own fitness.  His smile and enthusiastic tail is the reason I perk up when I arrive home, despite how fatigued I might be.  And he is the reason I write every day.  My walk with him is the catalyst for my 750 word minimum online journal entry.  On a good day, our walk produces a good blog idea or the completion of my current chapter in progress.
     My point is that my dog is an important member of my family which is why we decided to include him in our Halloween family fun last year.  It didn't seem fair to leave him home.  The incessant doorbell and knocking stressed him out.  He loved walking anyway.  Why not see what he thought of all the people dressed up in costumes visiting each home?  He did not typically take walks in the dark, let alone see that many people outside at that hour.
     Mac is notorious for wanting to chase anything that speeds by him.  He can't help his Sheltie heritage.  He wants to herd kids, bikes, cars anything else that isn't moving in some kind of order.  But on Halloween evening, no one was in a rush.  Masked characters strolled together in herds.  This comforted him.
     Mac learned that if he sat while everyone patiently awaited for someone to come to the door, the homeowner might notice him and run back into the house to find a more appropriate treat for him.  Ah, yes.  There was something in it for him too.  He was also in costume, so after a couple of oohs and aahs, he happily accepted a lovely dog-bone shaped biscuit or two.

Halloween costumes from the 1970s.

Mac loves people and other dogs, especially those he recognizes from our neighborhood.  Last Halloween, we saw other dogs walking around with their families, but most were not in costume.
     Perhaps this year will be different.
     Amidst our nation's financial woes, industry trackers and market researchers say there will be a bright spot in our economy this coming Halloween.  Among many other colorful characters, we can expect Captain America, Iron Man, the Avengers, Obamas, Mitts, and perhaps some more super hero canines.

Halloween savings tip from my good friend Michelle: It's not too late if you would like to place your children's costumes from last year online on eBay or Craig's list in order to fund this year's costumes.  Or, consider trading costumes with your children's friends who attend a different school.

Make Mom Happy

What is the best way to celebrate a truly Happy Mother's Day? The trick is knowing Mom well enough to see what is the most meaningful way to say thank you to HER.

A butterfly visiting my petunias one Mother's Day.

      I'm a Mom who has a Mom and Mom-in-law. Whenever Mother's Day approaches, I experience stress, not relaxation. Why? Because every year I worry about whether both Moms will be disappointed once again, because they will not receive the visit they wish they were having from my family. No matter what my family has planned for me on Mother's Day, I find myself feeling guilty that I didn't plan something that included our Moms.

     "They're grandmothers. You're the mother now," my husband says sympathetically.

     "But they don't stop being mothers to us," I hear myself say.

     Both Moms appreciate being recognized on or around Mother's Day, which has been impossible for us to do in person for many years now, since we moved 2.5 hours away. It was easier before we had children, when we lived less than a half hour away from both of them. We popped in for brunch with one and did an early dinner with the other one later in the day. Both Moms were happy to get a visit from daughter/son-in-law and daughter-in-law/son. But ever since I became a Mom, I realized that I want to be available for my kids to celebrate within our own little family unit. I secretly hope I can be completely useless to them during the entire day, free of chores and anxiety of any kind.

An azalea flower in my garden.

      One year, I just wanted the entire day to plant petunias, impatiens and marigolds in containers on my deck. I remember enjoying a visit from a slinky red fox who wandered into my backyard that afternoon. Another year, we enjoyed a walk and picnic as a family at the Connecticut College Arboretum. We picked up sandwiches and drinks from Subway and brought along our cameras. I still admire the photographs we took of the various trees, flowering bushes and water lilies on the pond that day. My favorite photos are the off-center pictures the children took of me with the blue sky in the background, shot from their vantage point below. Another time we decided to see the new flick Iron Man followed by a sushi dinner, my favorite. It didn't matter what we did. All I cared about was that I was with my family and that I didn't have to cook, clean, drive or nag anyone to do anything.

      So where does that leave Moms of adult children? Someday that will be me, when my children have become responsible for themselves and their husbands and their own children. Hey, wait a minute. That's the key. They will be responsible for themselves, their husbands and their own children! That means as a grandparent someday I will not have the same need to receive a physical break from incessant family rearing, shuttling and household chores. I would still want the acknowledgement though. I would want to know that they care about me and recognize all of my efforts through the years, to help them become the best that they could be. I would want to know that they still needed me in their life in some way, whether it be for advice or just someone willing to listen.

My lilac bush in full bloom.

      So make your Mom happy on Mother's Day. Show her that you thought of her and appreciate having her in your life even if you live far away. You don't need to pack the kids' suitcases and drive 200 miles just to have brunch with her for the day. Maybe it is a beautiful arrangement of flowers because she never buys fresh flowers. Maybe it's a video chat so she can see how big the children have grown. Maybe it's a comfortable new fleece throw emblazoned with her favorite family photo. Maybe it's a membership to fruit of the month club because she's trying to cut back on chocolate and sweets. Maybe it's a book of Cross Sound ferry tickets so she'll be encouraged to visit you and her grandchildren often. Maybe it's a home-made card signed by every member of the family, even the dog.

      If you live close enough to set aside a part of the day for a personal visit, you will surely surpass all of her expectations. Take her to brunch, lunch or dinner. Take her to the movies, to a show or to a ballgame. Take her to the salon, to the park or to the museum. Have her over for a slice of pie and a cup of tea and pick her brain about her past. She would love to tell you stories. If you are inclined to include her in your family's plans, by all means invite her to tag along!

      In my town, the local Patch.com site is accepting favorite photo submissions of "Mom and Me." The simplest and most legendary gesture we can make to our Moms is to tell the world why we think she is the best Mom!  To all my readers who are Moms...may you have a truly Happy Mother's Day!

Welcome Back, Rested?

Family shadow portrait at Rocky Neck Beach

Family footprints in the sand...

Whether you visited the French Riviera or enjoyed your own backyard all week, the point is, are your body's batteries recharged?
     Some delight in planning the ultimate family vacation months in advance.  That's what Spring Break is for, isn't it?  Flying to some far away resort where someone cooks for you all week and all you have to do is show up, ready to climb aboard the thrill ride of the day. 
     "It's our first trip to Disney World," said one parent I spoke to before break.  "We're going to do it all.  Breakfast with the Princesses, the all-you-can-eat buffet, the shows, the roller coasters."
     There's something magical about experiencing things that we may or may not have enjoyed as a child with our own children.  It certainly gives us an excuse to enjoy the cotton candy and ice cream sundaes that come with the package too!  So we pack our bags and the children's bags and willingly stand on all the lines.  Lines at the airport, at the hotel check-out counter, at the rides (despite the LCD displays warning a 45-minute wait), at the gift shop and sometimes even the bathrooms (oh, the horror)! 
     Oh I've been there.  We waited until my youngest could appreciate the experience and remember it well.  Otherwise, a day trip to Six Flags or the Big E would suffice.  I must say that it was worth every penny to see my daughter's mouth-opened gaze at the "Wishes" extravaganza fireworks display at the Magic Kingdom.  It was equally satisfying to watch my son bouncing like Tigger after each ride; the faster and higher, the better. 
     "Again, again, again!  Please, can we ride it again?" he begged. 
     We did not regret the lines or the literal price we paid for the memories.  It was an ideal family escape from the mundane. 
     More recently, during Winter Break, our family traveled across the country to visit with extended family on the West Coast.  Minus the hotel experience, it was a similar type of vacation.  We ate a lot, stood on lines at Sea World and Hollywood Universal, went swimming, and more importantly, had a chance to catch up.  We only see each other for short visits a couple of times per year, so it was wonderful getting to know my nephews, who now towered over me as teenagers.
     After each of these types of family getaways, as fun-filled as they are, there were always lingering side effects.  It was now time to reckon with the unpacked piles of laundry, a backlog of mail and e-mail, officework and housework and to make up with the family dog who needed extra TLC after being kenneled for so long.  It was soon going to be time for another vacation due to the vacation!
     So during this Spring Break we opted for a more low-key and restful week.  I cooked so much during the holiday weekend that there were enough meals to heat up for the family.  When the food ran out, we enjoyed steak and fish at local restaurants and went out for Italian ices and frozen custard.  We hit baseballs and softballs at the cages and golf balls at the driving range. 
     "What fun stuff are we going to do today?" said the kids with anticipation.  I was flattered that they looked forward to spending time with us.
     With no agenda for the earlier part of the day, we all slept in late.  We dillydallied every morning away, eating only two meals, brunch and early dinner every day.  We said yes to TV and X-Box.  I learned that playing Just Dance 3 with my daughter could be fun and calorie burning.  Surprisingly, the kids didn't want screen time for too long.

      We rode our bikes for miles and miles around the neighborhood and at Harkness and Rocky Neck State Parks for a change of scenery.  We walked the vacant beach, enjoying the breath-taking views of the windsurfed aqua waves, making family sneaker prints in the sand and picking up crab shells along the way.  The kids enjoyed staying up late to watch "special" movies with us; movies we parents enjoyed watching as kids over 20 years ago like Princess Bride and Twins.  It was like traveling with them to our past.  We had to explain some societal and technological differences.  We gathered with families who also opted for a stay-cation to have dinner together and play games.  The kids visited friends' homes while we adults sneaked in a round of nine-hole golf at the par three course.  As a novice golfer, I appreciated the deserted fairways which made for stress free tee offs.  We hosted the kids' friends, giving us a chance to catch up on some home and yard work.  The garden is now cleared and mulched, ready to soon bear new annual blooms and vegetable seeds.
     "I have anxiety about tomorrow," said my oldest before bed on Sunday night.
     "I know vacation's over.  But I'm ready to work again.  Aren't you?" I said.  "It beats getting bored of doing nothing after a while." 
     "I guess," he said, shrugging and shifting on his side to go to sleep.
     It was just the right amount of rest to be re-energized once again.  The best part?  No bags to unpack.

Family Mosh with Our PEEPs

Master of PEEPpets!

I saw the call for submissions on the Waterford Patch site two weeks ago. Someone submitted a very simple composition of three PEEPs. A momma, a poppa and a newborn peep peering out of a cracked egg. That sparked in me a desire to mention the fun contest to my kids and the wheels started turning in our heads. What clever scene could we design? What humorous take on a title of a movie, a song or situation could we weave the word PEEP in? This became a fun family topic at dinner at first. Five days went by and every now and then I peeked at the latest submissions. People were delighting in having the opportunity to let their craft work and creativity shine in the limelight.
      The truth is that I was never interested in winning necessarily. The prize was a $100 gift card to Michaels. I am not a hobbyist or crafter. I really don't frequent the store. The lure was just in the opportunity to express our family's sense of humor and fun. We talked again for a few days as the submission deadline drew near. Now the pressure was on. First, we had to acquire some PEEPS, in a variety of colors. Then we had to find time to set up the diorama and upload it, name it and officially submit it. The day finally arrived the night before the deadline.
      "Mommy, you promised we would buy some PEEPs for the contest," said my daughter after her dentist appointment. She also reminded me that the night before during her gymnastics team's egg hunt at the gym, she had received some unmarked tart candies which I had not allowed her to ingest. For years she had been responsible and cautious, automatically asking how she could substitute them for something we were certain were food allergy safe.
     "You know better than to even consider eating that, Sweetheart," I said.
     "I've had them before."
     "Oh yeah? How do you know? What are they?"
     "I think they're Gobstoppers."
     "You think?" She looked down in disappointment and tears started to well up.
     "Remember what you get to do at Halloween? I'll let you trade them for something better."
     This was a fair offer. So after her dentist appointment, we set out to pick up four packages of PEEPs. She was pleased to remember that they contained safe ingredients and they would also be fun to work with for the PEEP contest, which we had never done before. We settled on blue, green and yellow bunnies. They only had chicks in pink. I must admit that when I looked at the submissions that were already posted earlier in the day, I thought about whether the designer had put much thought or effort into them. Then there was the artistry of the photograph execution itself. I decided once we all agreed to stick with our first impulse to do something that had to do with rock bands that we would keep it simple and just get it in before the deadline.
     "What are some hit songs that Metallica produced?" I said to my husband after dinner. He started naming them.
     "In what song name could we fit in the word PEEP?"
     "Master of Puppets!"
     "Yes, perfect! Master of PEEPpets it is!"
     At this point it was beyond the kids' bedtimes so they were upstairs brushing their teeth and getting their pajamas on. I assured them I would beat the deadline and execute one of the ideas we had discussed. I went into action, digging up the Metallica rock band figure collectible set from the basement that I had given him two jobs ago for his office. I set up all the music equipment pieces. It was so adorable. There was the snare drum, the base drum, high hat cymbals, all the other cymbals and other drums. There was a mic stand and the four band members, whose limbs resembled lego pieces but the heads of long crazy hair and faces intricately mimicked the real band members. They even wore the black T-shirts and jeans and headbands they were known to wear in concert. I set aside the band member figures as the PEEPS would have to represent them. The drummer was the easiest to work with. I simply stuck the drumsticks through the pink chick's gut and positioned the sticks such that they seemed to be about to strike a set of cymbals and one of the drums. The pink chick also made the most sense to serve as drummer since it was already in a seated position, so I set it on top of an overturned martini shaker cap. Cool, it worked. Next were the bass, rhythm and solo guitarists. I broke off the front tips of toothpicks and balanced the guitars at the right angle. I then positioned the stand alone mic in front of the lead singer.
     For those Christians familiar with Metallica's Master of Puppets lyrics, it probably was not the best choice of songs to portray during Holy Week, but we were not trying to send any propaganda or other cryptic messages to the public. We simply wanted to place our PEEPs in a cool rock scene, particularly because we are a musical family. So, I used the rock song's bold Metallica artwork behind the black stage, making sure I covered the lower half of the rendering, which contained symbols which might be misconstrued as irreverent. We truly apologize to those who might have wrongly reached that conclusion.

Moshing in the PEEP pit!

     Daddy is most familiar with Metallica and their genre of music. He introduced the kids and I to some of their more popular hits and ballads and while we don't listen to the band frequently, we know he likes it and we appreciate the head banging rhythm in the car.  Otherwise, we're more of a classic rock, jazz, pop and alternative rock kind of family in general.  I personally prefer nouveau flamenco and new age music when I write, but I digress.  My point is that we borrowed Dad's Metallica set for the PEEPs contest and our only motivation was family fun!
     I took several shots from many angles.  After I was satisfied with the perspective of the shot, I posted our Master of PEEPpets submission.
     "It's done!" I declared and the kids couldn't help running back downstairs to have a look.
     "Ooooh, it looks really good Mommy!  They look so cute!" said my daughter.  We were all satisfied and went to sleep.  The next morning, my husband had a wonderful suggestion.
     "You know, if you really want to get crazy, you could use the rest of the PEEPs and put them in the audience so the band is playing for PEEPle."
     "You're right.  But I just wanted to get it in.  It's done."
     I decided to leave the display on the kitchen island for the kids to enjoy during breakfast.  But once they left for school and I walked the dog, there was the PEEP metal band, just posing with their instruments, ever so sweetly on the black stage.  Something was definitely missing.  There was no movement.  I could not hear the screeching guitars or feel rhythm, so I got back to work.  I did as my husband suggested.  I emptied the rest of the PEEPs packages and set them up as a crowd of fans.  And then, the Metallica band members called.
     "Come on!  Throw us in the PEEP pit!  We wanna mosh, Baby!"

The Second Straw (House)

One hour and forty minutes east of the first pioneer in the state of Connecticut, a second straw house is now in construction, making history in Eastern Connecticut.

     Two weeks ago, I received an e-mail from a friend, an invitation to attend a straw bale raising at the site of her young family's future home in Lisbon, CT. It was going to take place over the weekend. Children were welcome. We could drop by any time of day; we could stay for as short or as long as we desired. We could raise one or two bales or simply come to check it out. There would be a tent with food. Whatever the activity was, the upbeat invitation sounded like a fun time with families. More importantly, it offered me and my family a chance to experience something unique.

     Originally from New York City and a resident of Waterford for the past ten years, I was naturally curious and welcomed new experiences. My mind was filled with many questions. I wondered if straw bale raising had something to do with those giant marshmallow-like white masses that periodically appeared on the field near the north-bound Interstate 95 ramp in Waterford. Was it a gathering of people who will do heavy work together to make it lighter work and socialize at the same time? I did not want to appear clueless by asking, so before responding to the invitation, I did a quick Google search on straw bale raising. My search led me to words like "environmental building," "people stacking bales like building blocks" and "new material for modern construction."

     This past weekend, my family experienced the joy of community and the courage of green living at our first straw bale raising party. We brought along another family we knew who were also into nature and the outdoors. More people meant more efficiency and multiplied cheer. We were blessed with perfect weather, bright skies and radiating warmth, so it was easy to convince the kids and our friends to spend time outdoors learning about something new together.

     The first thing that struck me when we arrived at the site on Saturday morning was the many cars parked at the foot of the property. There weren't any pick-up trucks or contractor vans. These were family sedans. The wood frame and roof of a one and a half story home currently under construction was alive with activity. To the left of the structure, there was a long truck filled with two-string bales of straw. One person's job was to toss the bales from deep inside the truck to someone waiting on the ground, whose job it was to stack them neatly for the next person, who was operating a chainsaw to trim the bales until the edges were smooth and firm like brick. Once trimmed, these bales were then raised above the cement foundation and passed to the person waiting in the frame of a doorway to the house who then stacked them neatly in the middle of the structure. Two people, who clearly knew what they were doing, were stacking bales against the wall, between two window openings. They aligned and secured them to the wall. Other people were gathering loose straw and placing them into jumbo trash bags; these would be used to make straw plaster later on.

     "How can we help?" I said, ready to plunge into the activity.

     My husband and the other couple we brought along were also all ears, ready to pitch in. The kids were already exploring the early stage construction, mesmerized by the sight of a house's skeletal joints and ribs. They had never before had the ability to see through a floor or through walls to the outside of a home from inside. They climbed the open steps up to the loft to admire the view of the landscape behind the house and then down into the dark basement space.

     "I'm really beat," said Benjamin Shiling, one of the homeowners and leaders of the project onsite.

     It was Day Two of the straw bale raising. He and his wife Jennifer, their friends and family had been working non-stop since the day before.

     "Now is a good time to take a break. Let me give you a quick tour."

     He showed us where their architect had planned the living room, the dining area, the bathroom, the two bedrooms and loft. The house will be insulated by tightly compacted straw bales and the interior as well as exterior walls would later be constructed from plastered straw walls.

     "We purchased the land over four years ago and attended a straw bale building workshop in Vermont for several days," said Jennifer Shiling.

     I was under the impression that Ben built homes for a living. But his day job was supervising technical support at a community center and she was busy homeschooling her preschoolers and caring for her infant. They hired an architect to design and contractors to build their new home. Their contractors paused work on the house to give Ben and Jenn the opportunity to install their straw bale insulation into the home. They were coached further onsite before the straw bale raising project's start by one of their straw bale workshop mentors.

     "What made you decide to use straw bales for your home?" I inquired.

     "The material is natural so it's non-toxic and it is more energy-efficient for heating and cooling than typical insulation material," she said.

     According to Andrew Morrison, founder of Straw Bale Innovations, LLC and designer and builder of both conventional and straw bale homes, a typical straw bale wall is roughly three times as efficient as conventional framing.

     "Over the life of a typical thirty year mortgage, this superior insulation can reduce energy costs by up to 75%, saving money and vital natural resources," states his company's website at www.strawbale.com.

     His website also states that straw bale homes are fire-resistant because "due to their tight compaction, bales contain very little oxygen and thus resist combustion."

     I was very impressed. Not only because the Shilings had given great thought to the use of safer, more energy-efficient and sustainable material for their home, but because they committed themselves to researching and learning how to lead and implement such a massive, time-consuming undertaking.

     "What can I do to help?" I said, ready to exert effort.

     For the next couple of hours, my family and I became part of the community that had come to help move, trim, stack and secure straw bales. My husband moved straw bales out of the truck to the stacks waiting to be trimmed. My son and I moved the fifty-pound trimmed bales that were sitting in the middle of the house to what would eventually become a bedroom. Jenn felt that this room's straw bale walls needed to be completed before moving on to other areas of the house.

     We took a lunch break and then it was time for my family to move on to our next agenda item that day. If we weren't expecting visitors from out of town that day, I would have liked to stay for the rest of the day to help the Shilings some more. I felt like I was more of a tourist and did not accomplish enough to help them out.

    "When we first brought it up everyone thought we were crazy," said Jenn to me as we said our good-byes. "Now it's really happening. Thanks for coming...for the moral support."

The Shiling's home is the second straw bale home to be constructed in the state of Connecticut, according to http://sbregistry.greenbuilder.com. For more information about straw bale houses, check out www.strawbale.com.